I spent about thirty years of my life wishing I weren't living it. I'm in my mid-40's as I write this, which means that I was feeling that for about two-thirds of my time on this rock. Or, if you fell asleep for fractions in math class, we have a layman's term for that: Most of it.

I think there are other people out there like me, and if you hope to live among people who have the crazy notion that life is a thing that they'd prefer to keep going, you learn to conceal the way you feel. "Lifers" look at you funny when you start talking shit about their favorite thing ever.

You start out like everyone: i.e., You assume everyone feels the way you do. "Oh my heart is so annoying! It just won't stop beating! Every second: Thump. Lots of seconds, it even beats two or three times. Thump, thump, thump, thump. So annoying! It just won't stop!"

But no. Not many people will see your point of view. "Life is beautiful." "Sunrises. Babies, Kittens, Orgasms!" On and on. They don't get it.

But yeah. Getting to a point where you think: "I have eternity to experince nothing at all; a few decades appreciating the wonder of the universe first isn't all bad..."

Well. I got there. Eventually. You know how it is: "Sunrises. Kittens. Orgasms. Etc."