With many of my friends missing, I find that I am more prone to bouts of melancholy. It's harder to distract myself without that constant familiar noise. Also, I recall the old—also familiar—fear of not being someone that contributes to gatherings. This is of course a self-fulfilling fear, as the state in which it puts me makes me less able to contribute which in turn can make me feel that my fears are justified, if I am not sufficiencly self-aware.

I want to write. Not these whiny (if cathartic) journal entries, but truly write. I want to again write staries. I want to tantalize and entertain.