Category: Self Care

Self-perception, action-oriented goal-setting, managing depression, and other reflective and introspective ponderings.

Fear of Irrelevance

With many of my friends missing, I find that I am more prone to bouts of melancholy. It's harder to distract myself without that constant familiar noise. Also, I recall the old—also familiar—fear of not being someone that contributes to gatherings. This is of course a self-fulfilling fear, as the state in which it puts me makes me less able to contribute which in turn can make me feel that my fears are justified, if I am not sufficiencly self-aware.

I want to write. Not these whiny (if cathartic) journal entries, but truly write. I want to again write staries. I want to tantalize and entertain.

Posted on by Mickey Mullin

Long as I’m Here

I spent about thirty years of my life wishing I weren't living it. I'm in my mid-40's as I write this, which means that I was feeling that for about two-thirds of my time on this rock. Or, if you fell asleep for fractions in math class, we have a layman's term for that: Most of it.

I think there are other people out there like me, and if you hope to live among people who have the crazy notion that life is a thing that they'd prefer to keep going, you learn to conceal the way you feel. "Lifers" look at you funny when you start talking shit about their favorite thing ever.

You start out like everyone: i.e., You assume everyone feels the way you do. "Oh my heart is so annoying! It just won't stop beating! Every second: Thump. Lots of seconds, it even beats two or three times. Thump, thump, thump, thump. So annoying! It just won't stop!"

But no. Not many people will see your point of view. "Life is beautiful." "Sunrises. Babies, Kittens, Orgasms!" On and on. They don't get it.

But yeah. Getting to a point where you think: "I have eternity to experince nothing at all; a few decades appreciating the wonder of the universe first isn't all bad..."

Well. I got there. Eventually. You know how it is: "Sunrises. Kittens. Orgasms. Etc."

Posted on by Mickey Mullin

Better Than Not

So glad I wrote the above. Mostly, I write while I'm depressed. It's not often that I write when I'm "up." Going only by my writings, one might think I was never happy.

Fact is, I have far more to be happy about than not. I've made mistakes, and I have regrets, but those are far outstripped by the great people in my life, the wonderful events and accomplishments, and my own positive traits.

I have it good. Even better: I'm good.

Posted on by Mickey Mullin

Remember This

I didn't think there would ever be times like this. I'm so happy that I can't contain all of the emotion! I'm so happy that I feel pity for the state I was in when I "knew" this would never be.

I need to remember this. Always.

Posted on by Mickey Mullin

Ac-Cent-Tchu-Ate the Positive

There are a great many reasons to worry and fret in this life, but fortunately, there are also a myriad of reasons to be grateful.

It is easy to get caught up in the negatives, because by their nature, they cause us difficulty and discomfort, and that's what makes us want to remove them, correct them. We do not thrive on negative thinking though, so allowing those flies in our ointment to dominate our focus will prevent us from progressing and succeeding.

Posted on by Mickey Mullin